I feel guilty for not posting in a while, but so much has happened and I don't really know how to put my thoughts to paper. But I will try...
Imagine my dissapointment on Christmas day when AF started, I mean seriously, on Christmas??? That after I got a faint BFP! Seems that there is a problem with Maybe Baby pregnancy tests, so please ladies stay away from them.
So after that I decided to focus on loosing weight and not on trying to get pregnant. Should have decided that a lot earlier! In any case, on 21 January, out of the blue I did a pregnancy test (after Marius told me a few times to test but I didn't because I had no symptoms). It was a digital one and I couldn't believe it when it showed "Pregnant"! I felt so happy! Felt like all the cares in the world were lifted off my shoulders. Little did I know that 2 weeks later it will all come crashing down again...
So the 31st of January we were up and about early the Saturday morning, Marius was going to JHB. I went to the loo and yes, there is was. I ran to Marius telling him that I just can't go through this again. I was terrified! And then no doctor would help me until 9:00. I had to wait 2 and a half hours to see a doctor to find out what was going on. Was the longest couple of hours of my life.
Turned out to be a threatened miscarriage. Bedrest for me the doctor said. Unfortunately it didn't work, a few days later I had a miscarriage. I just couldn't understand why again??? Why couldn't we just be happy??? Still don't understand everything but I made peace. Just wish I could make it easier for Marius some how. He really was devastated. He was angry, didn't want to try again for a while.
Luckily he now wants to try again, but we are going to take it easy. I want to be pregnant but I'm not going to rush or pressure myself. I don't understand why it happened but I believe the Lord will guide and help us throught it. In the end it will only make us stronger.
So thats what happened in my life the last couple of weeks. What a rollercoaster!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Emotional rollercoaster
Posted by Unknown at 9:28 PM
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8 comments:
hey girl
no words I have can take away the pain, but hopefully they will comfort you ...
I know you so want to be a mommy and you will be one.
Just have faith. Reading a book: Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It says when you trust God fully it makes Him happy.
Which areas in your life do you want to give unto God?
take care ...
Thanks KP, it is an amazing book. I also read "The Shack" - you have to read it, it made me felt at peace with a lot of things.
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